And Now a Word from Our Sexy SpokesGays

Written by | The Lens

We vote with our dollars, but we think with our junk. When a commercial stirs your loins, you are more likely to open your… checkbook. (get your mind out of the gutter)

Advertisers ignored the queer demographic for centuries. Corporations used to think it was taboo to woo us, but now they can’t get enough. Marketing strategies are starting to recognize the folly of their former faux pas by targeting tantalizing clips to the discerning gay audience.

After all, we’re big spenders and we’re not afraid to whip out our… wallet. (to reiterate: mind out of gutter, please)

Case in point: Jared!

He’s so fabulous that his name must be followed by an exclamation point. Jared! is one of the sponsored spokes-hunks for the Next Gay Thing, a subscription service that delivers “packages” to your doorstep every month.

But Jared! is not your average bear. His ambitions stretch all the way to the heavens and then flutter pleasingly back down to the crotch. Watch as Jared! swivels his sexiness in a pair of shorts that cradle his Pride-plums.

Are you familiar with Comfort Republic? Because they are intimately familiar with you. Their revealing line of social media spots focus squarely on your daddy-basket. C.R. studies the way your man meat sizzles and sways, and they have officially hooked the gays!

That’s Raymond Vinsik Williams and his Insta-profile is flooded with lusty missives and gay marriage proposals.

Does Ray’s actual orientation matter? Pipe down with your pesky pragmatism! We’re living out our skivvy fantasies…

Which brings us to the climax of the exercise. The porn de résistance, if you will. Strap in for sensuality, because Bike Athletic is injecting some retro raunch into your feed.

Their throwback ads are unabashed eye-candy, and man oh man-on-man, are we ready for a taste.

We now interrupt our regularly scheduled article for Bike’s recent locker room rendezvous, featuring models so hungry for action that their glances threaten to devour the screen. If the following clip doesn’t arouse your nostalgia, then nothing will. Get ready to sweat, because it’s hot in them thar jockstraps. Enjoy!

Photo: Instagram @bikeathletic  

Last modified: November 4, 2021