Go Commando! Shapely Shorts and Swimwear to Show Off Your Assets

Written by | The Lens

We may date ourselves (severely) with this reference, but do you remember those Grey Poupon commercials from the 80s? Two rich white men ride in luxury through the British countryside snacking on gourmet meals. One of the stuffy aristocrats rolls down the window of his Bentley to ask, “Pardon me, but do you have any Grey Poupon?” to which the other snob replies, “But of course.” The entitled millionaire then drives away without sharing his mustard with the forlorn fellow voyager.

Well, we’re about to remake that scenario… except in a hot, gay way. Buckle up.

Picture it: two sweaty hunks ogle one another across a crowded gym. Grunts and gazes abound. MuscleStud #1 approaches MuscleStud #2 and glances down at his considerable package. The bulge in his clingy codpiece begins to swell and contort.

MuscleStud #2 makes no effort to hide his endowment.

The enlarged nature of #2’s fun-zone mirrors the enticement in #1’s hungry stare. MuscleStud #1 wants Muscle Stud #2’s mustard real bad. So he musters up his courage and utters the catchphrase for our fantasy ad campaign.

“Pardon me, but are you going commando?”

To which #2 lasciviously growls, “Butt of course.”

…aaaand scene!

We humbly submit the above script to Commando Corporation, the makers of workout gear and swimsuits designed specifically for free-balling (and oh-so-subtle mooning).

These outfits are engineered (or MENgineered, if you’re nasty) to be worn without underwear.

But if skivvies are your kink, Commando Corp has you covered. Their “package enhancement support jock” lifts and cradles your tube steak and plum pudding until they are front and center. Dinner is served!

Just look at the slider function on their website. Drag the digital curtain to one side for a preview of the model going commando, then slide it to the other side and watch his VPL say howdy!

Speaking of Commando Corp’s models, they are a who’s who of whoo-boy!

Wouldn’t you like to see the above Adonis in our new “Gay Poupon” commercial? As we anxiously await feedback on our pitch (call us, Commando Corp!), we will satiate our appetite for man meat with the video below. YumTown.

Photo: Instagram @commandocorp

Last modified: September 24, 2021