Every publication will have a Hollywood expert making Oscars picks this week, and ours is Hedda Lettuce.
For over a decade, she’s hosted a weekly classic film series in Chelsea, so we figured she knows what makes good cinema. This Sunday, she serves as emcee for a big-screen broadcast of the ceremony at Chelsea’s Bow Tie Cinema. Tickets include unlimited popcorn, unlimited soda and unlimited commentary from the Queen of Green. Doors are at 6:30, gowns at 7, and the awards begin after. Ticket proceeds will be donated to the Riedel Dance Theater. To buy, click here. But now, Ms. Lettuce offers her picks for the winners.
Interview by Matt Gurry
METROSOURCE: Let’s start with Best Picture. Have you seen them all?
HEDDA: I’ve seen enough of them.
Did you see Boyhood?
Yes I did.
All of it?
Yes I did. It was so long, I was 10 years older by the end of it.
Many are favoring it to win.
It wasn’t my favorite.
The Grand Budapest Hotel; I like nice hotels. I also pick Wes Anderson for Best Director because once again, I like nice hotels.
Grand Budapest and Birdman both received the most nominations this year (9). Did you like Birdman?
If a bird poops on you it is supposed to be good luck. Unfortunately, not in the case of Birdman. It pooped all over me and nothing good came of it. But really, I simply adored Grand Budapest. Clever, funny, gorgeous scenery, costumes and incredible cast of actors. I would check myself into the Budapest Hotel every season.
People have raised eyebrows about Selma being shut out of many of the categories. Was that unfair?
If the movie were about Salma Hayek it would not have been shut out. Her large breasts would not allow it.
People are also calling out The Imitation Game for not being gay enough. Did you want it to be gayer?
How gay do you want it to be? Do you want him to go down on a Nazi or swish about limp-wristed?
Let’s talk about the actor awards. Whose performance did you—
I pick Bradley Cooper for Best Actor because he is hot.
OK. Who do you pick for Best Actress?
I pick the long psychopath from Gone Girl because I am afraid of her.
Most of us think Julianne Moore has this year cinched. Where do you stand?
My money is on Rosamund Pike for Gone Girl. If she does not win, you know she’ll cut your balls off. As for Julianne Moore portraying an Alzheimer’s patient, honestly, I have forgotten the movie already.
Would you approve of another Meryl Streep win?
I would approve of anything Meryl does.
Many people are calling these Oscars too white (all the nominees in the acting categories are white). Are you bothered by that?
Too white? Are they counting all the black gowns that will be worn on Oscar night? If so, then I think it will be plenty black.
Any choices for the smaller but more fun categories? Best Song? Costumes?
Oh, some goddamned song from goddamn Into The Woods about those goddamn woods. I believe Maleficent will take home the shining statue for Best Costumes.
How about the ceremony itself? Do you like the idea of Neil Patrick Harris as host?
Yes I like him. But I wish he would play it a little more gay this year. Perhaps a three-way on stage with him, Bradley Cooper and an Oscar.
My favorite part of every Oscars is the In Memoriam. Who in this year’s will make you get choked up?
The only thing that will choke me up is if I piece of popcorn gets lodged in my throat. Is Clint Eastwood still alive?
I…think so? He’s the one you would cry for?
No. I was just wondering.
You heard Lady Gaga is doing something this year?
I don’t know.
What’s your next question?
How would you make the broadcast better?
Have a fabulous drag entertainer host the event. Or at the very least, have them bring up the awards.
Which you are kind of doing.
Yes! I am hosting the Oscars again this year at the Chelsea Bow Tie Cinemas this Sunday.
Which I suppose you want to plug.
Yes I do. Go to heddadoestheoscars.brownpapertickets.com for tickets.
Well this has been fun!
It killed some time.
Last modified: July 26, 2018