Help for the Serial Daters

Written by | Miscellaneous

Carol Sugar-Burke, one of our friends at Bespoke Matchmaking, answers our questions on finding Mr. Right. Today, can two gay men really have a monogamous relationship?


Dear Carol,
I am what most people call a serial dater. I have dated hundreds of guys, but have never settled down. I’m getting older, and my friends and family want to know when I am going to settle down. The idea of starting a family and being with one person is appealing, but I’m not sure if I have ever been “in love.” How do I know and what can I do?
Serial Dater

Dear Serial Dater,
First and foremost, please have no fear even a serial dater can be tamed. You spend years jumping from one relationship to the other and knowing you are choosing people that just are not right for you. If they are in to you, you’re not that in to them; if you’re in to them, they are not that in to you. The truth is you don’t want to be alone, and you have no problem meeting someone new. You are not dating men that you have enough in common with, so you don’t even have the possibility of making a love connection. Usually there is a physical attraction and the relationship often does not go beyond that.

Serial daters can fall in love if they give themselves the opportunity to open their hearts and minds to meeting the right person. Make sure you date someone who shares your values and you have some mutual interests and a similar lifestyle. It should be someone who is a complement to your personality — and certainly not a clone. We don’t have a crystal ball that lets us know if he is the one and not everyone you meet will be the one. The most important thing is to be true to yourself and date someone there is a possibility to have a future with. You will be shocked to know that sometimes what you are looking for is right in front of you. Stop choosing men that you know there is no possibility of a future with, and start dating men that whose attraction is to not only to their bodies but also to their minds and hearts. Before you know it, you will look into someone’s eyes and not only see love but feel love.

If you need help finding that right person use the help of a matchmaker. I am confident love is right around the corner waiting for you.

Carol Sugar-Burke is an executive matchmaker for the premier gay and lesbian executive matchmaking firm Bespoke Matchmaking. For more information on Bespoke Matchmaking and to learn about our matchmaking service visit our website,

Last modified: July 27, 2017

One Response to :
Help for the Serial Daters

  1. Meryl Strip says:

    Dear Carol,

    I once slept with an entire football team back in junior high. I couldn’t walk for a week so I rented an electric wheelchair. I stopped counting my intimate liasons once they hit 10,000.

    Now I’m 77 and still desire a man’s touch at least 5 times a day. However, I want to get married and start adopting kids from Beijing by Thanksgiving. Is there any hope for this ho?

    Meryl Strip

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