How Soon is Now?

Written by | Miscellaneous

Carol Sugar-Burke, one of our friends at Bespoke Matchmaking, answers our questions on finding Mr. Right. How will you know when the right moment arrives to take it to the bedroom?


Dear Carol,

I am one of those men who will meet someone and get caught up in the moment and dive head first into the intimate part of the relationship. I meet someone and find him extremely attractive and sometimes even after the first date we end up becoming intimate.

The truth is I enjoy sex but I am smart enough to know that diving head first into sex based on lust and attraction does not equal real intimacy in the long term. These short sexually driven encounters never turn into long term relationships. When is it okay to become sexually involved? Is there an actual time frame? I really do believe in and would like to find my happily ever after.


Dear Flirtatious,

The real answer is jumping into bed early in a relationship is that no matter how great the hot steamy insane sex may be it is no indication of how well a long term relationship will work. Great sex does not mean you get along with each other. It is an important part of a long term relationship but: it does not have a thing to do with everyday compatibility. The hard part is chemistry is difficult to predict and sex is fun and hard to resist. The problem is the spell wears off after a while and you realize you are allergic to his dog and are not really crazy about his family and he is an absolute slob and you really have nothing in common. Resist the temptation get to know each other first and wait a little while at least. Anything worthwhile is worth waiting for.
Don’t give up happily ever after does exist and patience is a virtue!


Carol Sugar-Burke is an Executive Matchmaker for the premier gay and lesbian executive matchmaking firm Bespoke Matchmaking. For more information on Bespoke Matchmaking and to learn about our matchmaking service please click the link below to visit our website,

Last modified: July 27, 2017