Paul Hagen invites you into his hot tub but not into his heart for the fourth episode of Season 2.
Previously, on Looking… Dom became a gay rugby player and bitched out Quantum Lynn hard for doing hateful things like try to help him get a better job. Patrick and Hot British Kevin pretended they were real boyfriends all day, but then felt pretty crappy about it when HBK broke down and called his actual boyfriend John. Agustin apologized to Richie for being the human embodiment of uselessness, and seemed to be getting on well with his new best friend Bear Eddie. Oh, and we learned that Nurse Doris has both a well-endowed boyfriend. Just breathe and relax into it, Doris. Breathe and relax.
Kitchen of Looking Good in Black Underwear: Patrick is talking on the phone anxiously, while Hot British Kevin (rocking little more than an Apron) is frying up a proper British breakfast. Patrick worries eating the high-calorie combo will turn him back into the “Fatrick” he was as a boy; then he ruins the romantic mood by asking if HBK calls his actual boyfriend John every night. Then he quickly says they don’t have to get into it, but when HBK says they should, Patrick jumps on it like a Chihuahua on a chew toy. Patrick wants to know how HBK feels scurrying home to his partner when they’re done riding the baloney pony. When HBK admits it makes him feel bad, Patrick breaks out in a relieved smile – purportedly because he ALSO feels bad but actually because he likes the idea that HBK can’t be happy without him. HBK promises that what he “has” with Patrick, he does not “have” with John. I’d say he has a complicated relationship full of lies with both of them. HBK promises to “sort it.” Patrick “hopes that’s true.” Don’t hold your breath, sweetheart.
Kitchen of Infinite Fierceness: Agustin is fixing coffee in an “I HEART ANAL” mug while Amanda Lepore howls, “I don’t know much about clothes, but my hair looks fierce!” in the background. Agustin gives Bear Eddie a “Really?” look about the mug, as Bear Eddie sashays into frame wearing some sort of leopard print-embellished muumuu and holding a handful of pills. Agustin asks if that’s his “cocktail” (because he’s apparently living in 1995), and Bear Eddie points out that though one of the pills is HIV-related, the rest are vitamins and supplements. Agustin proposes breakfast, but Bear Eddie has to go to the shelter to meet with his trans kids. Agustin asks if he can chill at Eddie’s apartment until Patrick and HBK are done serving one another sausage for breakfast, and Bear Eddie shuts that idea down with a sharp, “I’m not leaving you alone in my apartment.” Smart, Bear Eddie (though not as smart as avoiding Agustin completely). He suggests Agustin come along to the shelter instead.
Apartment of Not Giving Up Hope: Nurse Doris and her lack of concern for personal boundaries come barging into Dom’s room, asking what he wants his Kickstarter password to be. Dom inquires whether they are raising funds to make a film about a young rent boy and the hag who loved him. No, they are raising money for Dom’s “chicken window.” How is managing a fancy restaurant (an opportunity that Dom spit on last week) worse than running a chicken window? Dom says the food world does not do Kickstarter, but Doris continues to press him for info, including what sort of “incentives” he’d be willing to offer investors. Dom says that Kickstarter is desperate; Doris wonders if that’s really Quantum Lynn talking. No, Doris, it’s just his spectacular sense of self-entitlement.
Shelter of Confusion: Agustin’s phone rings. He tries to say that he’s busy, but Patrick launches into informing him that Richie called. Patrick is freaking out, but Agustin is all: “This is what you wanted!” because Agustin only can feel joy by making other people confused and miserable.
Street of Awkward Reunions: Patrick is working on asking Agustin how to tell Richie about Hot British Kevin but hangs up quickly because Richie is approaching. They greet awkwardly. Richie asks if Patrick is hungry, but he’s still full of Hot British Meats from earlier. To compromise, he suggests ice cream, to which Richie reluctantly agrees.
Park of Inane Banter: Patrick is going ON about how people like to wait in lines for stuff they could get more easily elsewhere. Shut up, Patrick; you don’t get to be a the hipster who waits in line for trendy frozen yogurt and then also the guy that complains about people who do that. Richie remarks that he is sometimes baffled by what people charge at salons compared to the prices at his barber shop. Patrick goes way over the top and declares he’s never getting his haircut anywhere else but Richie’s again! Richie tells him to just stay loyal to his own stylis and inquires if Patrick is going to closing night at the bar Esta Noche. Patrick is worried it’ll be all “Stonewally” with “drag queens” and “police in riot gear.” Well, Richie is gonna be there with his new boyfriend, Brady. Patrick calls his name “very Anglo-Saxon” and mocks the fact that Richie is dating a ginger. I’m just about ready to slap Patrick, when he delivers his own punishment by admitting he’s dating his boss. “Doesn’t he have a partner?” and “Do they have an arrangement?” and “Are you a homewrecker now?” asks Richie. Patrick flails at his own inability to explain his morally-questionable behavior.
Meeting Room of Inquisitive Trans Youth: Some trans teens are asking Agustin whether he, too, is trans; Agustin asks if he looks trans. Then they ask if Agustin is “queer,” but he corrects them that he’s “gay.” One kid asks if Agustin will be replacing a woman who used to work there; another insists Agustin is Bear Eddie’s new boyfriend. Bear Eddie sweeps in, says Agustin is “a friend,” calls the meeting to order and makes a big show of inviting him into the circle. Well, if anyone ever needed a meeting, it’s Agustin.
Street of Handling the Truth: After the meeting, Agustin asks Bear Eddie about the woman who used to work at the shelter. Bear Eddie says she used to work in the office but retired; so they’re seeking a replacement. Agustin asks if he could do the job. Bear Eddie warns that the money is bad; Agustin wonders if Bear Eddie thinks he’s too much of a princess to deal with shelter life. Bear Eddie warns that these kids will Facebook and call and text all night! They won’t respect boundaries! YOU CAN’T HANDLE THEIR TRUTH! Agustin says he just needs a job that has nothing to do with art won’t make him hate himself. I feel like it’s gonna take more than employment to make Agustin worthy of self-love, but whatever.
House of Unexpected Company: Dom drops by Quantum Lynn’s, and his sexy rugby teammate Matthew unexpectedly answers the door, shirtless. Matthew gives Dom a big, sexy hug and Dom asks if he’s “crashing something.” They head out back, where Rugby Matthew whips off his shorts and joins Quantum Lynn in the hot tub. Dom jumps in, too, and soon they’re sipping wine and passing around a vaporizer and talking about a time in the past when Quantum Lynn used his money/power/influence to get Rugby Matthew a job in theater. Dom heads inside to sulk and pout because he’s not the only trick Quantum Lynn ever helped out financially.
Apartment of Asian Food and Self Delusion: Patrick reports that the internet is equating the closing of Esta Noche with the end of San Francisco. Agustin wishes Patrick would admit that he’s making them go to closing night to prove something to Richie and tries to casually ask what Patrick would think of him getting a job at “a shelter for at-risk gay kids.” Patrick tries not to fall off the couch laughing at the idea of Agustin being a role model and then cannily compares the campy presence of Bear Eddie to “having your own Mrs. Madrigal.” Well, Patrick, you’re a hot mess, but you serve a nice Tales of the City reference.
Hot Tub of Daddy Issues: Dom whips off his towel to get back into the hot tub, and Rugby Matthew casually refers to him as “daddy.” Dom displays anger face because he does not care for the term, but Rugby Matthew insists it’s a compliment. They get past it and start making out.
Farmer’s Market of Infinite Regret: “You both topped Hot Matthew from Rugby?” Patrick asks, incredulously. Dom says that, like Patrick, Rugby Matthew is a power bottom. Patrick insists he’s actually “coming into his own as a power top.” Aren’t we all? Patrick asks about Hot Matthew’s package. “Length: Average. Girth: Well above.” Dom shares, as though they were comparing hunting trophies in a turn-of-the-century men’s club. Dom lets on that Quantum Lynn arranged the evening, and he just happened into it. He says the whole night was weird. Also weird: how Hot British Kevin and John suddenly are at the farmer’s market, too. Patrick dives for cover, and his face falls as he observes the couple touching each other with the kind of casual intimacy he assumed long ago died in the Frigidaire of a relationship he imagined for them.
Office of Freaking Out: We leap forward to Patrick entering Hot British Kevin’s office, asking if they can talk “right now.” They head to the roof, and Patrick reveals that he saw HBK and John at the Farmer’s market. “You didn’t want to say hi?” Hot British Kevin asks. Patrick says that when he gets a text from HBK when he’s with John, his heart swells. HBK swears he is thinking of Patrick all the time! But Patrick points out that most of the time, HBK is with John. Their time together is just stealing moments from that life.Patrick wants to be the kind of person who can handle that, but he’s not.
A Note from Your Recapper: It was at this point in our viewing, that I paused the program and issued a diatribe outlining the dangers of “relationship people” (i.e. Patrick) trying to behave like “casual sex people” (i.e. Agustin). Essentially, the takeaway is that some people are just programmed to equate sex with the desire to own and be owned by another person, and when these people attempt to have sex outside the bounds of that kind of relationship, it results in great mental anguish, i.e. the freakshow of self-delusion that Patrick’s life has become. We now return you to your regularly scheduled recap.
Rooftop of Realization: All this is “because you saw us at the farmer’s market?” Hot British Kevin asks (hilariously). No, HBK. It’s because every day, Patrick is building a life for them in his mind, and now he’s realized it’s impossible! Finally, HBK shouts “I will talk to John today.” He says it will take time, but he’ll do it. The life in Patrick’s mind is the life HBK wants. “Okay,” says Patrick. Because really, what can be said to a man who just promised to ruin someone else’s life for the love of you?
Office of Maybe Don’t: Agustin is doing actual work. I am shocked. “Well, well, well, the Princess of Coral Gables conned herself into a job?” Bear Eddie declares. Agustin thanks Bear Eddie for recommending him and notes that he has been instructed to not even answer the phone the first week — as though they were “waiting to see if he f***s up.” Bear Eddie suggessts: “So — maybe, don’t?”
Flower of Shop of Recrimination: Dom asks whether they should ask Matthew to meet them at Esta Noche. Quantum Lynn says Matthew works nights. Dom wonders if they should ask him to swing by the house later. Quantum Lynn’s not in the mood. “What if I really wanted to invite Matthew over? Would it even matter?” Dom bellyaches. Quantum Lynn doesn’t take the bait: “Invite him if you want to.” Dom complains that he wants life to feel less like a negotiation. Dom wonders what he IS to Quantum Lynn. Quantum Lynn says he’s only got so much to give. Dom essentially complains that Quantum Lynn is an orange, and his dead boyfriend got all the juice, and now Dom is left with Quantum Skin and Pulp and Seeds. Quantum Lynn says that what he had with dead boyfriend, he just can’t possibly have again. Dom says that Quantum Lynn could have that — and he could start by making his vacation home less of a shrine to his dead boyfriend! Quantum Lynn basically says: I hope you get everything you want and clearly I’m not that. Dom says what they have is not enough for either of them.
Bar of Infinite Drag: The ratio of drag queens to civilians is WAY skewed at Esta Noche’s closing night. Easily HALF of the people are in full-on drag. Richie is introducing Brady (who is sexy, as Richie promised) to Patrick. Nurse Doris parties on by with some beers. Bear Eddie gets Brady to reveal that he works for a newspaper, doing classifieds but also “writing about gay stuff.” Bear Eddie calls Brady a “Queer Jimmy Olsen.” This is how nicknames are born. Apparently, Queer Brady Olsen met Richie when came into the barbershop for a haircut and stayed for the barber. Bear Eddie pitches a story on Gringo-chasing in the community; Queer Brady Olsen says it couldl be a follow-up to his article on being “gay-cist.” Worst. Editorial Meeting. Ever.
Corner of Sulking: Dom wants to leave. “Before Peaches Christ comes on?” Doris asks. It’s the Quantum Lynn stuff; Dom thought he could push through, but he can’t. Doris agrees to go. Was that scene really necessary?
Street of Urban Wall Art: Dom wants to do Kickstarter now. He saw a video about people who used Kickstarter to open a Mexican bakery. “Dreams come true,” observes Doris. Dom needs this; he doesn’t have anything else. Doris points out that he has Doris and had Lynn. Dom NEVER had Lynn, he wants Doris to know. “Well, you got me,” she says.
Bar of Surprises: Bear Eddie asks if Queer Brady Olsen will be writing a SCATHING op-ed about the early demise of Esta Noche. Turns out his paper is covering it, but he’s not writing the article. While this is going on, Richie mouths “Are you okay?” to Patrick, and Parick nods. But he won’t be okay for long — because Hot British Kevin has appeared out of nowhere.
Corner of Confessions: Hot British Kevin kisses Patrick with a passion that suggests all is not well in the Hot British Land. He stammers – finally spitting out that he couldn’t tell John about the affair. Patrick points out that this means that the affair is off; so why would HBK even come? HBK doesn’t know. He seems confused or drunk or both. He tries to kiss Patrick again. Patrick storms away.
Street of ALL the Drag Queens: Patrick stumbles past a gaggle of drag queens – truly SO very many drag queens – wiping tears from his eyes. Well, that’ll teach him to gope.
So, Lookers: Is Agustin qualified to help at-risk gay youth? Should Dom have forced the issue with Quantum Lynn like or just, I don’t know, see if a deeper connection happened naturally with time, affection and mutual respect? Did you really think at any point that Hot British Kevin was actually going to leave his boyfriend? Sound off in the comments below, and we might draw your name to win Season 1 on DVD!
Last modified: March 16, 2018