Paul Hagen recaps the “fresh as a mountain spring” third episode of Looking Season Two.
Previously on Looking… Dom seemed a little out of his depth in his relationship with Quanum Lynn. Agustin continued his luge toward rock
bottom by drinking and doing drugs until Richie found him passed out on the street and mercifully schlepped him home to Patrick. Meanwhile, Patrick continued to fall deeper and deeper in delusion, I mean “love”, with Hot British Kevin (even when his shame over their secret relationship manifested itself as a skin ailment). Oh, and Nurse Doris may have met a man; strange how a show about gay men can leave you rooting for the heterosexuals to get laid.
The Office of Bewildering Orientation: It’s someone’s birthday and there’s whale-shaped ice cream cake for this He-Man of a Birthday Girl. Though she looks like she’d be more likely to have a yen for the ladies, she is apparently married to a dude. More importantly, Patrick is goosing Hot British Kevin even though the entire office is watching. Brazen! Hot British Kevin, wearing an a-dork-able French Bulldog sweater, is SHOCKED by Birthday Girl mentioning being married to a male.
Rooftop of Frankness: Patrick and Hot British Kevin continue to laugh over how Birthday Girl looks like a pump but feels like a sneaker. Patrick says that he can’t take Hot British Kevin seriously when he’s wearing that doggie sweater (though he’d probably be better off not taking HBK seriously because he’s in a long-term relationship with SOMEONE ELSE). Anyway, it seems that HBK had cancelled plans to spend the weekend with Patrick, but now he says they’re suddenly back on! But Patrick has already made plans to attend Dom’s gay rugby game. HBK scoffs and tells Patrick to cancel, but Patrick fears HBK re-cancelling, which has apparently left him high and dry on previous occasions. HBK relents and asks if he can join the rugy friends instead. HBK transformed from total douche to sweetheart in a matter of seconds there, you guys.
Barbershop of Redemption: Agustin arrives at Richie’s barber shop, bearing ethnic food and weed. What is it with Agustin having no money for anything except ALL the drugs? Richie notes that last time they met, Agustin was passed out by a fast food cart. Richie has him flip the sign on the door to “closed” because he knows anything Agustin has to say would drive off customers with common decency. Agustin thanks Richie for rescuing him from the street and apologizes for poisoning the now-defunct Richie-Patrick love-relationship by being a snarky little twit. Richie Agustin did it because he’s secretly in love with Patrick, and Agustin is all, “Gross!” Then Richie calls Agustin out about the fact that his beard looks like roach motel and offers to do something about it.
Apartment of Freaking Out: Patrick is cleaning and being judgmental. He reveals to Agustin that he’s freaking because Hot British Kevin is coming over, Agustin asks whether HBK has left his partner John yet. Nope! Agustin offers to stay somewhere else to give them Hot British Privacy, though Patrick worries that sex with HBK may not be the same if it’s not performed in a tawdry sin motel. Agustin suggests Patrick think of it as a relationship “test drive.” By that logic, I guess most car theft could be considered a test drive, as well.
Drug Store of Intimate Hygiene: Patrick complains to Agustin: it’s unfair that straight people don’t have to irrigate their backyards before sex. Agustin points out that many straight people have butt sex. I briefly wonder if I’m having a stroke because I’m agreeing with Agustin. Patrick admits he’s never used an enema before because he considers his rear end a “self-cleaning oven.” Poor, deluded Patrick! Patrick reads aloud some copy about “being fresh” off a box of douche – employing a pronounced lisp for emphasis. Agustin accuses Patrick of fearing that bottoming makes him shamefully ladylike. To prove how not-ashamed he is, Patrick goes out of his way to inform the checkout lady that he won’t be using the enemas for medical purposes. “Oh, honey! Do you know where you live?” says the awesome checkout lady (and also EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER WATCHED THIS SHOW). Patrick notices that Agustin looks less like a derelict than usual, and Agustin mentions that it was Richie who pruned his face bush.
Street of Bad Ideas: Agustin has told Patrick the story of going to see Richie, and Patrick calls Richie “the better person.” Agustin suggests Patrick re-connect with Richie; so they don’t lose their “special connection.” Patrick turns the subject back to his current excuse for a love life, reminding Agustin that the cover story for the rugby match is that Hot British Kevin is attending “as a friend.” Then they take a delightful selfie with a freshly-purchased enema to send to Dom.
Apartment of Morning Pillow Talk: In one bedroom, Dom is whining to Quantum Lynn that he never should have invited everyone to see him play rugby, and Quantum Lynn is whining that they never should have slept at Dom’s inferior apartment. Meanwhile in the other bedroom, Doris is in bed with Malik (from margarita night), shocked that she was able to accommodate his sheer size during their lovemaking. He none-too-subtly asks why Dom and Doris are 40 and living together, which causes Doris to flee to Dom’s room and literally jump into bed with Dom and Quantum Lynn. Doris offers some graphic details about how well and truly she has been satisfied by Malik and then suggests they all go get breakfast.
Teeny Tiny Diner Table of Forced Joviality: Doris, Malik, Dom and Quantum Lynn seem squeezed into a diner booth as though it were a clown car. Malik is talking about his work for the mayor; Doris says it makes her feel like she’s dating Rachel Maddow. Quantum Lynn mentions that he might not make it to Dom’s Rugby game because of work, and Dom complains about a meeting he had yesterday with a guy he hoped would invest in his Peri-Peri chicken scheme but actually wanted Dom to manage a restaurant. Doris acts like the man asked Dom to have sex with a barnyward animal, but Quantum Lynn points out that it’s a super popular restaurant and it would be a step up for Dom. Dom and Doris look at Quantum Lynn like they caught him reading from the Satanic Verses during Sunday Mass. Quantum Lynn feels embarrassed and suggests Dom do whatever he wants.
Bathroom of I Didn’t Need to See That: Patrick has folded himself into an advanced yoga pose to administer his enema. Agustin should have told him that an enema may not have the desired effect when used many, many hours before the sex is supposed to take place.
Front Stoop of Good Little Boys Waiting for Daddy to Come Home: Patrick is sitting on his front steps looking for Hot British Kevin. (Geez, dude, at least pretend to be reading a book.) Hot British Kevin hugs him and asks if he’s all right. Patrick suggests they blow off his friends and spend the day “riding bikes.” HBK wisely suggests they stick to the rugby plan but suggests they first find a bar to fortify themselves with some “dutch courage.”
Pub of Pre-Conceptions: Patrick asks if this a the kind of Hot British Pub HBK would drink at in England. HBK says: no, those were crappier. Patrick asks if where HBK comes from looks like Wimbledon. HBK says: no, where he comes from is hideous. They finally find common ground when they realize they both designed their own board games as children. In Patrick’s, the goal was to “mine for uranium.” Paging Dr. Freud, indeed.
Field of Homosexual Sport Enthusiasm: Rugby is happening. Dom is on the sidelines. Doris is in the stands with Agustin and Eddie the Bear (who, btw, is definitely played by Daniel Franzese, who played Damien in Mean Girls). Eddie speaks for most of the at-home audience when he asks if anyone knows what the people on the field are doing – other than looking sexy.
Pub of Continued Sharing: Hot British Kevin reveals that, in his younger days, he was “the cliche of the angry young man whose mother walked out on him”; apparently Hot British Mom and Hot British Kevin didn’t talk for a long time — but they do now. HBK says his life got a lot better once he moved out of his hometown, but then overshare that he only has two more years left on his visa – so he’d “better get married” before it runs out. Patrick’s mind spins: Who will he be Hot British Marrying? “Let’s do it!” says Hot British Kevin. Patrick’s thinks HBK means “Let us, you and I, get married!” for a hot second. He’s picturing himself in a white Vera Wang before he realizes HBK actually meant: “Let’s get going to the rugby match.”
The Bleachers of the Butch: Back in sportsland, Dom is stalking the field with several bearded muscle bears. Patrick shows up in the stands and introduces Hot British Kevin as “his boss” (cue eye roll). HBK kindly explains that there actually is some rhyme and reason to the hot men milling about before them, busting out some impressive rugby terminology in the process. Eddie the Bear likes HBK’s accent, and asks if HBK has a boyfriend. Patrick dies inside as HBK talks about his ACTUAL boyfriend John.
Bathroom of Vague Propositions: Agustin walks up to Eddie the Bear at the urinals, sneaks a peek at his equipment and then confirms that HBK and Patrick are actually lovers and will be filling their apartment with lusty behavior that evening. So would Eddie the Bear mind if Agustin crashed at his place? Eddie, wisely, says no at first, but at the suggestion that they watch Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion and eat mochi ice cream, Eddie gives in. Men have succumbed to lesser invitations.
Stands of Masculine Yearning: Hot British Kevin gets the group to launch into a cheer, shouting for Dom. It’s kind of like when people hoot and holler at truckers to honk their horns. Dom doesn’t even wave at them. Why so withholding, Dom?
Archway of Youthful Indiscretion: Overwhelmed by Hot British Kevin’s sport fanaticism, Patrick leads HBK into a semi-secluded archway. He notes that, as a young man, everyone else got to make out under the bleachers but him. They agree that making out under this archway will have to do, and they kiss for a bit and leave to sate their carnal longing for one another.
Shower of Full Frontal Nudity: After the match, the showers are full of wet, hairy men (and much wet, hairy manhood is prominently displayed). Dom is flirting with a guy who might be the cutest guy on the team – unless you can’t deal with back hair). Dom is using Dr. Bronner’s liquid soap because OF COURSE HE DOES. Mr. Cutest mentions that he really liked Dom’s Peri-Peri pop-up restaurant, and accidentally spills the beans that it was Quantum Lynn who arranged the manage-my-restaurant offer Doris scoffed at over breakfast.
Street of Unwarranted Resentment: Doris is in full comedian mode: hooting at the rugby players about action in the showers and informing Quantum Lynn that he’ll be buying drinks as penance for showing up late. Dom shows up, deeply pissed that Quantum Lynn is arranging things behind his back, especially things like a lowly job as a manager. Quantum Lynn is unsurprisingly put-off by the toddler-level tantrum.
Apartment of Pretending to Be Boyfriends: Hot British Kevin finds a self help book – Finding the Boyfriend Within and immediately starts mocking Patrick about it. (I’m all for mocking Patrick, but isn’t it in poor taste to make fun of someone for reading a book about finding a healthy relationship when YOU are their unhealthy relationship?) Patrick reluctantly admits to having followed the book’s advice to take himself out on a date. When HBK initiates getting hot and heavy with his usual haste, Patrick suggests they take their time. The pair end up snuggling on the couch watching TV, while HBK ignores a phone call – likely from John.
Bedroom of Changing It Up:Kevin and Patrick are about to make Hot British Love, when HBK surprises Patrick by declaring himself to be the bottom for the evening. “BUT I’M AS FRESH AS A MOUNTAIN STREAM!” Patrick actually says out loud before realizing he should stop looking a gift bottom in the mouth. The scene cuts to the climax of their coupling, and they are very sweaty and grunty and primal. Then it cuts again to a little while later: Patrick appears blissfully asleep, and Hot British Kevin gets up out of bed to talk to his actual boyfriend. Of course Patrick is not actually asleep. His pained eyes tell us that he knows exactly what’s going on; he just doesn’t know what to do about it. Cue the neon credits!
So, Lookers: What is going on with Agustin and Eddie the Bear: do we think their sleepover will remain strictly platonic? Did Quantum Lynn overstep by trying to get Dom that gig as a ritzy restaurant manager; why does it bother Dom so much anyway? And how long will it be before Patrick realizes that being Hot British Kevin’s other woman is not enough for a dramatic little boy like him? Sound off in the comments below, and we’ll see you back here next episode!
Last modified: March 16, 2018