Poet Kaitlyn Finn grew up in a small town in Washington State, and at the time it wasn’t “okay” to be out.
“It’s gotten a lot better now,” she says, “but back then it was just too dangerous. So as a kid I bottled up a lot of my feelings which led me to writing.”
Finn lived with my dad at the time and as she vividly recalls, “the word ‘faggot’ was tossed around daily. I was afraid of being who I was.” For solace, she turned to poetry and music. “It was the only place I could fully express myself and be 100 per cent me.”
The words, Finn remembers, came tumbling out and she filled “notebook after notebook with feelings about girls, and heartbreak.” That, she explains is essentially is what her new book of poetry, “I wrote this 4 u,” is all about. The subject matter, according to the poet, “all stems from that fear as a child and knowing exactly who you are, but not being allowed to share that with the world.”
Complicating matters, “you grow up and get a girlfriend and she isn’t ‘out’ per se, and those old feelings rise up again. You feel like she’s ashamed of you, but deep down you remember exactly how hard it was to come out. It’s just a rollercoaster. And as a member if the LGBTQIA community, you never stop coming out. I write to remind myself of the bad days just as well as the good.”
For Finn, that means “looking back at how far you’ve come, and how far the world has progressed is insanely important to your own self-healing. I write about raw and honest feelings. I like to ensure that the sad feelings get light, too. It’s good to normalize sadness,” she says, “it happens every day around us. There are happy thoughts in my book as well and sexual ones. It’s a bit of everything you’d think about while in a relationship or longing for one. ”
Like many writers, Finn takes heartbreak and turns it into inspiration. I’ve dated or gotten involved with women who just really didn’t have their shit together,” she muses. “Everyone has felt unloved or not enough, so that’s what this book was originally about. I had a book idea six years ago, but never finished it. Recently I’ve been relating so much to r.h sin and his poetry. I thought, ‘Well, what if someone out there is looking for something to relate to and I have it stored away in the notes on my phone?’ It’s not doing any good there.’ So I published it for my LGBTQ babes out there who need representation.”
Here’s just an excerpt:
I got your name Under my tongue I can still taste Your poison I wanna scream I try to fight But one look at you And I take my bite You’ve got me right where you want me But I’m not sure where I am I just don’t wanna be lonely I’m afraid of your dance.
Copies of “I wrote this 4 u” can be found on Amazon.
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Last modified: August 13, 2019