You Fall in Love: He’s Still Thinking "Hook-Up."

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Each month, our friend Carol at Bespoke Matchmaking, offers advice for those in the LGBTQ community who are looking to find their soulmates.


Dear Carol,

I met someone for the first time in years that I felt a total connection with. The chemistry was unbelievable and the conversation flowed naturally. We shared intimacy on every level, and I was sure he was the one that I would spend forever with. We had so many common interests and shared the same political views and it all seemed so perfect. I now realize we are nothing but sex buddies and he is totally afraid of commitment. WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT THIS IF ANYTHING AT ALL, OR HOW CAN I AVOID THIS IN THE FUTURE?



Dear Shaken,

To the man afraid of commitment, what he has with you is perfect. He is enjoying the present and sees no reason to talk about the future. In his mind if the present is great, why would you ruin it by talking about the future? You are truly a hopeless romantic and need to find someone who is not afraid of commitment as well. Trying to change the guy afraid of commitment is only going to scare him away and if you play hard to get; he will just take it as you are no longer interested and move on to his next victim. The next time you meet someone, test the waters and make sure he also is looking for a committed relationship. Make sure your next partner is willing to share his emotions and feelings upfront and that you are both on the same page. Take it slow, and get to know him and discuss when the time is right future plans. Start with planning a weekend away a couple months down the road. You will know soon enough if he is all in or not. Now that you know what you want and what you are looking for, I am sure you will find it!



Carol Sugar-Burke is an Executive Matchmaker for the premier gay and lesbian executive matchmaking firm Bespoke Matchmaking. For more information on Bespoke Matchmaking and to learn about our matchmaking service please click the link below to visit our website,

Last modified: September 17, 2019