Ask Your Daddy is an advice column for LGBTQ readers with questions relating to sexuality, morality, coming out or navigating relationships. And always remember, the best advice this Gay Daddy has for you is that if you have an urgent issue or are in need of regular counseling, seek out a therapist who can offer you individual care in person.
This week, Kevin responds to a writer who was recently approached to join the Log Cabin Republicans — an LGBTQ group that has endorsed Donald Trump for a second term.
This is what a reader asked Daddy:
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I was out celebrating the news that I had been accepted to a fellowship with some friends last weekend. We were at a semi-high-end steak house, and several martinis into the evening when a bottle of champagne showed up at the table. Since none of us had ordered it (we’re all students on budget, so this was a pretty good sized splurge already), we asked the waiter if he was sure it was for us.
He pointed across the room to these two well-dressed gents, who simply waved back in our direction. The waiter told us that they had asked what we were celebrating, and sent the champagne over as a gift of congratulations.
Mic Drop Moment
That was all great… until we noticed that the fellows across the room had paid their check and were leaving, so I went over to thank them personally. One of them, a striking man with electric blue eyes, put his arm on my shoulder and told me, “we all need to stick together and support each other.” So far, so good.
Then his friend chimed in. “We’re here looking just for people like you,” he said. “When we see a bunch of successful guys getting ready to be the leaders of tomorrow, we want to make sure that they know they have friends out in the world waiting.” Um, what?
It turns out they were members of the Log Cabin Republicans, and they wanted to gauge our interest in joining them. I wasn’t very happy that our light night out was suddenly interrupted by this missionary outreach of theirs, but I gave them a moment.
They told me that the “Democrat” party takes the LGBTQ community for granted, and that Trump, whether you like him or not, has been great for the economy. “At the end of the day,” blue-eyed guy said, “you can think you’re bettering yourself by being in the trenches with all of those people (and I took that to mean people of color, different religions and the poor), or you can actually do what America was built on: bettering your own situation in life.”
Because they had bought us the champagne and weren’t really rude, I thanked them again. Blue-eyed guy handed me his business card and asked me to think about what they’d said. I told them I would, but I’m curious: what would you have done under those circumstances?
Jeff in Chicago
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Let’s unpack this together. While it seems you know enough about politics to know that the Log Cabin folk have endorsed Trump’s re-election, and that it was a potpourri of generous gamble and sneaky rudeness to use a bottle of champagne to get you to listen to their sales pitch, I thought you handled it well.
I don’t know if I would have taken the time away from my friends of changed the trajectory and tone of the night to go into a debate with the LCR missionaries (great term, by the way) about the merits of their organization or their president’s tireless attempts to dismantle LGBTQ protections at every level of government.
Spin That Bottle
I don’t know exactly how much the bottle was, or how many friends were present at your table (and let me add my congrats to everyone else’s), but here’s what I would do: Assuming you have already told your dinner companions what happened, I’d suggest that everyone who had some of their champagne chip in and, using the business card to send him back what he spent on you.
You might also attach a note that tells him how you feel about his approach and his group’s support of the most destructive individual ever to occupy the Oval Office.
I won’t substitute my opinions of Donald Trump’s for yours, but from the tone of your letter, I can infer that you’re not exactly on board with the Trump agenda, either. No woke member of the LGBTQ community could be, and for someone to think that wealth will protect you when laws won’t? You could go back about 80 years and see how well that worked out for a group that was singled out for persecution by an amoral administration.
Lastly, shame on them for injecting themselves into your big night out. But it certainly does sound like the LCRs I’ve met. Can you imagine Mitch McConnell hanging out with gay guys? Or Mike Pence? Or Donald Trump? (A.) The idea makes me cringe. (B.) Just the thought of them being male makes me a little less gay, and (C.) I would so very likely say things I know need to be said, but in a tone and with word choices that would make my sainted Mom want to stick a bar of soap in my mouth.
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Last modified: November 22, 2019