Actor Jeff Hiller is enjoying his time in the spotlight. And why shouldn’t he? It’s taken over 25 years of working odd jobs that he wasn’t very good at, while making sporadic appearances in bit parts on TV, while performing improv anywhere he could (the basement was not below him…get the pun?). Thanks to his first co-starring role in the HBO sleeper hit Somebody Somewhere, he has gone from being “that guy” that you think you recognized to hobnobbing with Seth Myers on late-night television and making the media rounds, recounting life’s funny stories, one after the other.
His recent star rise is definitely not overnight, and it is definitely not without life’s bumps and bruises. He has more than spilled the tea in his debut memoir Actress of A Certain Age as he recounts his journey from a bullied, awkward kid whose mom tried to make him cool with a perm in 1980s Texas to the random number of jobs he’s taken from working in the non-profit (his heart was there, his attention was not) to failing at excel spreadsheets in an office, to blowing up the bathroom in front of Sam Mendes, to ultimately finding his place in a once-in-a-lifetime role as Joel in the Somebody Somewhere.
And while Hiller may not have played his leading man role on-screen just yet, he is a complete charmer with a winning personality in real life. In reading the first few lines of his book, you know you are in for a different ride. He is not just funny, he is hilarious, even at the most inappropriate times. You aren’t just reading a book about his life; you are sharing a cocktail with him at happy hour and getting the tea directly from the spout. Whether you know his career or not, he all at once becomes your bestie who just wants to kiki about life and dream big. We tore through his memoir in one reading, laughing, tearing up, and becoming Hiller as we also contemplated life, our passions, and derrières (trust us, they play a big part in the book). Even while Hiller describes many of life’s struggles, the book is an unofficial motivational tome that gives the reader hope that we, too, can find the gold lining in all things, and we also can reach our dreams, even if we are of a certain age.
With Hiller, what you see is what you get. That infectious giggle he gets, those funny one-liners, and that optimistic excitement are all there face-to-face. Chatting with him is truly like talking to a long-time friend, and he remains down-to-earth, bluntly honest, and totally charming. But he is not just that funny guy from the screen and from the page; he has a better handle on the meaning of life than most of us will ever have, even if the humor is pumped up. We could have talked to Hiller for hours, and the next day, we wanted to reach out and see if we could come over and make martinis and watch Housewives.
Why a memoir, why now?
[In his infectious giggle] I have been telling these stories for about 20 years, and why now? Because I got famous enough to get a book deal! I’d love to have written a book earlier. It’s just that nobody wanted it.
Actress of a Certain Age does not shy away from even the most difficult moments of Hiller’s life, from childhood to the present. He was mercilessly bullied growing up, dealt with food and money issues, has put himself in some precarious acting gigs, has had to deal with hair and eyebrow malfunctions, and has not always nailed the audition, not things a potential casting director wants to know about. Did Hiller have any trepidation in sharing so much about his life?
When I was writing it, no, but when I was rereading it, I was like, ‘Oh, who cares? Who cares about any of this?!’ [Laughs] But since turning 40, I have just wanted to be super authentic. I don’t want to put on airs. I don’t want to try and make myself look better than I am, or worse than I am. That was just sort of my guiding light throughout writing this whole book.
First and foremost, Hiller wants readers to laugh. But sharing the intimate moments of his life is an unofficial guide to surviving life. He is a leader for anyone who has ever felt less, or not good enough, he is the one laughing at life rather than the other way around, he is the king (or queen) of the underdogs, and has proven that yes, we can win at the game of life.
The biggest thing is, and it’s very similar to Somebody Somewhere where the show was really all about not giving up on yourself and about having hope in yourself, even though you might have aged, or even though you’re maybe not gorgeous or perfect or desired in the way that the world desires some people, that you still matter. That you’re still important enough to have a story and to tell your story. I think the biggest thing I’d love for people to take away from it is
to say, ‘Yeah, my story matters too.’
Somebody Somewhere did come to Hiller later in life. He could have thrown in the acting towel a number of times because it just wasn’t making sense emotionally or financially for him. But he didn’t And it paid off. But at what point should an actor face facts?
If you’re delusional, but you’re happy, who cares? If you’re doing community theater and there’s a bunch of bitchy queens in the back, not laughing at you the right way, who cares? As long as it’s something that you enjoy doing and that you draw joy from. There were definitely times I should have given up. It was hard to make a living and try to become an actor. But it’s the dream and it’s the thing that makes me the happiest. And so, even though it would’ve made logical sense to give it up, it just didn’t make sense in my heart. And so that’s why I stuck with it.
Perhaps part of Hiller’s success and why Somebody Somewhere’s creator, Bridget Everett, emailed him out of the blue about auditioning for the show is because his kindness and his sincerity make him stand out in the entertainment industry. Those qualities were instilled in him partly due to his relationship with religion. He was raised to be a Lutheran and was able to pick out the beautiful parts of faith. Though his relationship with religion has changed, the values remain the same.
I’m not someone who goes to church every day or every Sunday anymore. But I wouldn’t stand here and be like, ‘I’m an atheist.’ I’m also like a woo woo, crystal owning, bitch. I want to believe that there’s something bigger in the world, but I also believe that church is about community and about connection. In (Somebody Somewhere), I improvised a line saying, ‘This is church’ as we were driving around. And I think that’s true. I think that finding a connection with other people is really what the church is for me now. That also means helping – volunteering, helping people up the stairs on the subway sometimes, the little things that I think make it more spiritual, especially in this political time where hate is so valued and so lauded. That is my church, that is my religion, to bring that compassion and love to everyone, even the people who don’t agree with me, because I just don’t want to continue fueling such hate in the world.
Another major character in Hiller’s book is his mom, also a role model when it came to compassion. His mom supported his quirks, tried to protect him from the mean kids at school, and provided a home of love. Sadly, Hiller lost his mother to illness while he was still trying to find his footing in his acting career. One of the more emotional parts of the book is Hiller’s dealing with losing his cheerleader. How does he work through grief?
It’s not like now I’m through, it comes and goes. There are still moments that are difficult. I was just home in Texas, and I found this letter from her, and it made me miss her. But when I miss her, I do take this moment to just be like, I’m so grateful I had her, and I’m so grateful that she was so fiercely protective and loving toward me. Especially because I’ve met a lot of people who had just straight up shitty moms. I just feel so much gratitude for that. My mom was pro-compassion even before it was cool. She was always hosting someone at our home and helping in any way she could, and being there for people, including me. I just feel like she really passed that along to me, and I feel grateful for that, too.
With the recent boom in queer representation in mainstream media, Hiller has seen the likes of Matt Bomer, Jonathan Bailey, and Colman Domingo take center stage. Regardless of not being cast as the suave leading man, he is now enjoying some of that same spotlight. How does Hiller feel, now being invited to the party?
It feels exciting. You know, you’re still not Jonathan Bailey. [Laughs] There’s still a ceiling. What it feels like is, I knew I had talent, and I just needed some people to see that I had it. I know I will never have another role like Joel, and I’m so sad that the show is over. But I can have a guest star on Will Trent, because they saw me on Somebody Somewhere, and so it means I can continue to work and I can continue to go to Broadway openings and see plays for free, which I appreciate. [infectious giggle]
Hiller had to come out a number of times, feeling the need to hide it in his Christian faith-based non-profit work and circles. But he is out and proud now, and is not only a spokesperson for the underdog, but for the queer community. Does he feel a pressure to get political in today’s times?
I don’t feel pressure or anything. I do feel like we can’t not stick together and stick up for each other. I’m not Lady Gaga. I’m saying that because she does so much activism for the community. But I think with any platform, you have to say this trans person is my equal, and I’m not going to allow you to oppress them and take away their rights. I think that’s important. But I wouldn’t say I feel pressure, I feel more like it’s all of our duty, and it’s about that thing, what I was saying before about compassion, it’s like, I’m going to respectfully say I disagree with you and also protect the rights of other people, to whatever extent of power that I have. Everyone has value.
In Somebody Somewhere’s final season (not giving away any spoilers), Hiller’s Joel has an intense, quiet moment with no dialogue, just an outpouring of emotion. It is a winning moment, showcasing Hiller’s acting chops, but also giving the audience a moment to breathe and feel all the feels with the character. That is why the show has become a quiet success; viewers feel every part of these characters’ journey. No wonder Hiller has quickly become a fan favorite.
I really identified with Joel in that moment where it’s like, you get to this age and you thought your life was going to be one way, and you have this life that’s good. It’s not bad. You don’t hate it. It’s just that you have to mourn the things that you thought would have. Like Joel, I also had to mourn life a bit. I’m almost 50, the jig is up. I’m probably not going to have kids, so I had to mourn that. And I think Joel had to mourn that too. And Joel had to mourn the sort of weird putting together of different groups, and it worked well, but it isn’t perfect, and you have to massage it and work at it.
As we enter into Pride season, many gay men are hitting the gym, worried about pool parties and going shirtless. In Actress of A Certain Age, Hiller shares his struggle with compulsive eating and weight fluctuations, a total disaster if you’re in front of the cameras. But even with more eyes on him on his media tour, he is in a good place.
I don’t know if I’ve found the key or anything. I’m just trying to really love my body as my body. Once you get to a certain point, unless you’re just like the sexiest daddy in the world, you’re considered pretty undoable anyway. So, I’m just like, let’s throw in the towel. Let’s just let the gut hang out. I’m trying to be healthy, not to be thin. I think a lot of times I just want it to be thin, and I would try and get thin in a way that was not healthy. So, that’s more of my focus. But listen, if anyone has any tips!
As Hiller doesn’t hide from presenting the realities of his career with smoke and mirrors, he gives an honest outlook as to where he goes from here, with the disappointing fact that Somebody Somewhere is cancelled (although fans have signed a petition for at least a wrap-up movie).
I probably should have some better grand plan. I just want to continue acting and doing roles that challenge me and that are interesting, playing people who are complicated and not surface. The reality is, if I hadn’t gotten this guest star on Will Trent, I wouldn’t have made my health insurance this year. It’s a weird time in the industry, and I’m doing really great for a really obvious fem-leaning, middle-aged, chubby gay dude…meh, we’re trying to find things and things have come up that are great and I’m super excited about, I have lots of hopes for the future. I would often look at people and be like, Oh, they got a show now, everything’s set for them. But it’s never like that. You still have to keep hustling, hustling.
And his message this Pride season?
I would say happy Pride. And also let’s try and make it a happy Pride for everyone. I just feel like right now there is so much hate directed at trans, non-binary folks, just anybody outside of the gender binary. I think that’s really where we need to put our foot down and say, “No, no, no, no more of that.” Even if you did write Harry Potter, or you’re the President!
Actress of A Certain Age is available June 10th at all major booksellers.
Last modified: June 10, 2025
