Jesse Tyler Ferguson is perhaps best known for his portrayal as the lovable Mitchell Pritchett in the groundbreaking sitcom Modern Family which featured a same-sex couple in a committed relationship. While it took five seasons for them to officially tie the knot, their presence helped normalize and humanize what otherwise had been relegated to a hot-button political hot potato. Over the course of Modern Family’s 11 year run, Jesse was nominated for an Emmy five times, but mystifyingly never took home the gold. But more important than any piece of hardware, Jesse’s “Mitchell” found his way into our hearts, largely due to Jesse’s innate humanity infusing the character with qualities that made him lovable and relatable, leaving an indelible imprint on our cultural landscape. But there’s a whole other Jesse that exists apart from the character he played on Modern Family. I had a chance to talk at length with Jesse about his delectable podcast Dinner’s On Me, his Tony win for Take Me Out and the bullying he faced growing up in Albuquerque, New Mexico. He left home at the age of 17 moving to New York to pursue his dream of being an actor while taking on odd jobs to stay afloat, laying the foundation for a diverse career in theatre, film, television and most recently, the pod-o-sphere.
Talk to me about your childhood. What was little Jesse like?
Little Jesse was very shy, believe it or not. I grew up in Albuquerque, New Mexico, in the late 70s, early 80s. It was a difficult place to grow up as a closeted kid. It’s also a tough place to grow up as a redhead, being a desert. I had a hard time finding my people, and I think part of the reason was because I went to Catholic grade school and high school. As someone who feels “other” and different, and was questioning their sexuality, it’s hard to every day have the Bible sort of used as the main reference point. So, it was tough, and I learned to stay quiet, so that produced a very shy kid.
But when his mother took him to see his first live theatre show, it opened up a whole new world for him.
I remember my mom taking me to a theatre performance and I immediately fell in love with being in that space. They were full of such joy and creativity. And something sparked within me. I asked my mom, not only if we could come back and see another show, but if I could somehow figure out how to get on that stage and be on the other side of the footlights. So, she signed me up for the Albuquerque Children’s Theater, and that became my safe space. That became the place where I started to blossom as a person and figure out who I was. I kind of lived a double life. I had a life at school where I didn’t have any friends, and I had bullies. And I had this life at the community theatre where I had friends and people who respected me. Theater really did save me in so many ways. I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t found it.
You’ve described a pivotal moment during high school when you performed a monologue from Angels in America, the Pulitzer Prize winning play by Tony Kushner about the AIDS epidemic. Quite an ambitious undertaking for a high schooler, in Albuquerque no less.
I religiously watched the Tony Awards. It was in the era of the Tony Awards I wish they would bring back where they would include little clips from plays. And I remember the clip from Angels in America so vividly. It was Roy Cohn’s first big monologue. And I was like, what is this language? What is this play? It was unlike anything I had ever seen before. So, I ordered the play from a catalogue and I read it multiple times. I was 16 years old, and probably way too young to understand a lot of it. I wasn’t actively part of the LGBTQ community in any meaningful way, but I was so deeply drawn to this play. We had a speech and debate program that I kind of started myself, because there was no Drama department. I really wanted to find an outlet where I could do this thing that I loved doing at community theater. I did a dramatic monologue from Angels in America and went all the way to Nationals with it. And when I came back to Albuquerque, my Theology teacher asked me if I would perform it for the class. It was a very pivotal moment in my childhood. I was in one of those programs where you go from grade school to high school. I’d been with some of these people for 11 years of my life. And they were seeing me for the first time and seeing my talent. I remember several people coming up to me and saying, oh, man, you’re gonna be on Broadway one day, or you’re gonna win a Tony Award one day. These things seemed impossible to me at the time, but I was like, wow, it’s really cool that they see that in me.
It reminds me of that old adage that the best revenge is success. Would you agree with that?
Oh, absolutely. I went to my 10-year reunion. But I wasn’t able to go to the last two and I really deeply wanted to try and make it work. Because I just felt like, oh, man, what a moment that would have been to walk in, having been on Broadway, having won a Tony Award, having been on TV with a huge hit comedy.
At the 2022 Tony Awards, Jesse took home the Tony for Best Actor in a Revival for Take Me Out, the Richard Greenberg play about baseball and homophobia in the sports world. Having seen the play several times some 20 years before, Jesse would go on to play the role.
When I was in New York and I was a struggling actor, I just wanted to be as close to the theater community as possible. And it really didn’t matter in what capacity. I bartended at the Winter Garden Theater where Cats played. I worked at the Theater Circle gift shop which is right across the street from where Phantom of the Opera was playing. At the point when I saw Take Me Out, I had already made my Broadway debut in a very short-lived production of On the Town. I went to see Take Me Out at the Public Theater downtown and fell in love with the play and specifically with Dennis O’Hare’s performance who played Mason Marzak, the role I would eventually go on to play. It was surprising to me because I’m not a sports fan, but it spoke to me on such a deeper level. It taught me that theater can transcend, and it brings people together from all different walks of life. And then 20 something years later, when they’re reviving the play on Broadway and I was offered the chance to play this role, I immediately think back to that incredibly vivid performance that Dennis O’Hare gave, and thought to myself, I’m never going to be able to get that performance out of my head, and I’m never going to be able to make this role my own. It was really scary, but it was a play I loved too much to say no to. It felt serendipitous that I was being offered this part. But I took the challenge even though it scared the shit out of me, and I’m so glad I did it.
It is interesting because the subject matter is still so relevant. We’re still dealing with many of the same issues, including the fact that there’s still no openly gay player in Major League Baseball. Billy Bean, who became an advocate for diversity in sports, recently died. Bean was the second baseball player in Major League Baseball to publicly come out after he retired.
He came to our rehearsal one day and spoke with us for a few hours, and we got a picture with him. And that was a very meaningful day for all of us.
Jesse had another full-circle moment on his wedding day. Jesse had performed in Angels in America as a high-schooler, and then, fast-forward to Jesse’s wedding (to Justin Mikita) more than 20 years later, and the playwright Tony Kushner is officiating at the wedding.
I got to meet Tony through George C Wolfe, who directed Angels in America on Broadway and also directed that short-lived production of On the Town that I did. And one year, he invited the “orphans” in New York to come to his house for Thanksgiving, and I sat across the table from Tony Kushner. That was the first time I met him. I was very nervous, but he immediately made me feel incredibly comfortable. And he was always just so kind to me every time I would bump into him. And then he asked me to do a reading of one of his plays which was such a wonderful experience. So, when it came time for Justin and I to talk about who we wanted to officiate at our wedding, he was at the top of my list, thinking I would never get him. I reached out to him, and he immediately said yes. It was a very full-circle moment for me, and he wrote an incredible ceremony for us.
Let’s talk about your podcast Dinner’s on Me, where you interview celebrities (many of whom are personal friends of yours) over dinner at a restaurant. I initially dipped my toes in, just to get a better sense of who you are. And the more I listened, the more I couldn’t stop. It’s not your typical celebrity interview because it’s in a relaxed setting at a restaurant over a meal and there’s often this whole backstory between you and your celebrity friend, sometimes dating back decades. So, it feels very conversational. And as a listener, you feel like you get to eavesdrop on this intimate conversation.
When I was younger and I would ride the subway, I would love sitting down next to someone and striking up a conversation. After my anonymity was taken away from me by the success of Modern Family, I felt less confident doing that. I didn’t necessarily feel like people were always genuine around me when I was meeting them for the first time. And I missed that sense of connection. I feel like this podcast has given that to me again.
You’ve had a long list of famous guests including gay icons and allies like Sandra Bernhard, Kathy Griffin, Zachary Quinto, Sara Bareilles, Sarah Paulson, Ben Platt, Tyler Henry and Margaret Cho. Are there any dream guests that you’re still hoping to book?
It changes as the days go on. I’m currently listening to Ina Garten’s memoir, and I would love to have her on. I would love to have Quinta Brunson. And I would love to have Kamala Harris or Tim Walz or the Obamas. I got to have Chelsea Clinton on, who’s a friend of mine, and that was really interesting, and sort of a deviation from the normal Hollywood type.
Knowing Ferguson is a Streisand superfan, I couldn’t help asking if La Streisand is on his wish list.
Oh my god, well, yes! I don’t know if I could do it. I might be too intimidated.
Let’s talk about your fascination with Streisand. When did you first discover her, and what is it about her that speaks to you?
Well, my parents listened to her albums. They had “The Way We Were” and so many others. Even the album covers themselves made a big impression on me. I was like, “Who is this glamorous woman?” Visually, she intrigued me. The first movie of hers that I saw was Funny Girl, which was her first film, and it’s such an incredible performance. From that point, I was absolutely hooked. And then I sort of consumed as much as I could about her. I read a lot of the unofficial biographies which she has publicly disavowed. And of course, I listened to her new audiobook, all 48 hours. I love her resilience. I love her faith in herself. I love that she was also an outsider who forged her own path.
I have met her twice. After reading her memoir, I feel like I have a much better understanding of how she operates in those situations, being who she is, and I have a lot of empathy and compassion for her. I feel like I had as great of a meeting with her as I possibly could have gotten. And I hope that I have more with her. I would love to see her again. I mean, listen, it’s my dream to become friends with her.
(Photo by Jesse Tyler Ferguson)
Let’s talk about your marriage and your kids. When you first met your husband, he was already seeing someone at the time. And when he suggested getting together as friends for a drink, you passed.
Yeah. He said, “I have a boyfriend right now, but we can definitely go out for a drink as friends.” And I told him, “I have enough friends.”
That’s a classic line.
Well, it’s true. I barely saw the people that I already had connections with. I was like, I’m not going to start casually hanging out with a cute boy who’s 10 years younger than me and unavailable. It just didn’t seem like it was a very good use of my time. So, I politely declined. And when he separated from his boyfriend, I swooped in and took him out. But I did clarify in advance, this is a date and I’m paying. I had been doing a lot of those ambiguous dinners with people. Like, is it a date? Is it not a date? Is it romantic? Is it not? I wanted him to know that I was considering this a date. I was very upfront. And I think that was very attractive to him, that I was so upfront with my intentions.
We’ve been married 11 years now and together for almost 14.
(Photo by Jesse Tyler Ferguson)
What would you say is the secret to the longevity that you’ve managed to have together?
I mean, it’s really cliché, but communication is key. I don’t think we were great at it at the beginning, but it’s okay to have a learning curve. Before I met Justin, I had been through relationships that went through rough patches, and then those rough patches were taken as a sign that this isn’t working. So, I think learning how to communicate and work through those times is really important. I’m still trying to trust that, because I hate times of discord, especially with my husband. But we have always ended up stronger after them.
What have you learned from being a father to your two children, Beckett and Sullivan?
I have been thinking about that a lot, because I am different in the way I talk to my children than the way I talk to other people sometimes. When I’m frustrated with my kids, I talk to them in a way that is a lot more compassionate than I would talk to someone who’s my age. I’m trying to harness that compassion in other relationships as well. I think every parent tries to raise their children with the spirit that their parents raised them, but also differently. I mean, obviously, we all suffer trauma from the way we were raised. Even the best parents make mistakes. We try and correct those mistakes, and in turn make our own mistakes.
I thought it was interesting that you first met Joan Rivers when she invited you to one of her Passover dinners after you met her daughter Melissa. And how that led to a friendship with the comic icon before she passed unexpectedly in 2014. And you’ve also been to one of Kathy Griffin’s famous salon dinners where she invites a random assortment of her friends to dinner to bring back the art of conversation.
Both of those experiences are such vivid, wonderful moments in my life. I’ve actually been invited to two of Kathy’s salon dinners which are definitely cut from the same cloth of Joan’s Passover. Joan was just so lovely and warm and hilarious, and she embraced Justin and I so much. I take a page from her book when I try and connect with new people. I think Kathy had also been to some of Joan Rivers’ dinners before, and I think she has definitely embraced the spirit of Joan and has embodied it in such a great way. Kathy’s dinners are so lovely, and she has these ridiculous rules. Like we can’t get up and go to the bathroom without asking for permission. You have to dress up. If you’re late, she makes you eat in the car. There’s no cross-talking. Everyone has to listen to the person speaking. There are no phones allowed at the table. It sounds ridiculous at first, but it really does allow for a deeper connection and it’s something that we’ve really lost touch with – especially with all the social media – just having conversations with new people who you don’t know. So, I really value those dinners that Kathy has invited me to, and I treasure my friendship with both of these remarkable women.
[Featured photo by Luke Fontana]Last modified: December 11, 2024
