Categories: Gay Voices

Coming Out Blind and “Looking For the Light of Gay”

Rainbow Flag

What would you think if I told you that I’m gay, still in the closet but wanting desperately to come out and become actively involved in promoting the gay rights agenda?
I’m sure you would probably want to say “okay, then do it.”
Then … how would you respond after I replied with, “Thank you for offering to help. When can I expect you to pick me up and introduce me to members of your LGBT community?”
I’m blind and cannot get out to gay rights events, gay pride rallies or even gay-oriented clubs and social gatherings.
I am not prevented from enjoying these activities because of blindness or even restricted access to public transit services. I’ve traveled alone before. I can use a cane effectively.
I’m prevented from active participation because people are uncomfortable approaching me to start up a conversation.
They’re afraid they’ll say the wrong thing.
Ask the wrong question.
They begin to ask themselves all kinds of questions.
How does he take care of himself?
Can he cook?
Can he dress himself?
How does he get around?
Can he read?
Does he text?
How does he watch tv?
How does he use the phone?
Would he really make a good partner?
What would people think if they saw a male in a dress sitting on a bar stool at a gay bar?
What would happen if I entered the meeting place of a gay interest group wearing a dress, tights, pink girlie sandals — making no attempt to disguise my gender with makeup?
Would someone recognize my desire to feel like a girl even though physically, I can’t begin to pass as female?
Would someone ask enough questions to learn that I’m a girl inside — a truth I’ve known since I was about six years old.
Would someone help me be?
What would people think?
What would you think?
What happens when I submit articles to gay news groups?
Well … I really cannot say because this will be my first attempt.
Let me tell you who I am inside.
I have a great deal of passion; a desire to learn and an almost childlike desire to help in some way that matters.
I want to get out and meet people and increase my chances of finding a gay man who meets my dating preferences.
I want to attend churches which don’t just welcome the gay community with the intent of convincing them that it’s better to be single and alone than to be in a loving, monogamous same-sex relationship.
I want to attend church where I can hold hands with my partner; where I can marry the love of my life someday. I want to worship in a church where I can teach the bible that I’ve studied most of my life.
I want to help in a secretarial capacity in an office where the legal issues of the LGBT community are addressed.
I want to meet others, both lesbian and gay, who can help me transition into the visual image of the girl inside me.
And I want to mabe friends with people who’ll encourage me when I’m ready to come out to family and friends, because after I do … they’ll be the only family I have left.