Gay Sex Is Destroying These Delicate Shorelines

Ah, sex on the beach. It’s more than just a delicious cocktail; it’s a rite of passage.

From Sitges to San Diego to the sands of Mykonos, seaside fornication fuels our fantasies.

But there’s an unfortunate downside to these uplifting activities. Intrepid beachcombers are blazing a trail of destruction as they chart a course towards sensual gratification.

The Canary Islands, specifically, are experiencing the manmade (rawr) effects of random romps on the dunes.

According to a report in the Daily Mail, British tourists are trampling delicate shore lands and leaving behind condoms, wipes and worse.

“There are abundant studies that have addressed the issue of the relationship between tourism and sex (sexual tourism),” explains a Gran Canaria spokesperson, “but few have analysed the consequences of these practices on the natural environment, especially when the spaces where these activities take place are protected areas.”

The island is an LGBTQ+ wonderland, boasting some of the hottest nude beaches and coolest clubs in the world. Gran Canaria rolls out the rainbow carpet to welcome queer visitors from across the globe, which is why news of its deterioration is especially saddening.

In an attempt to make their public sex more private (oxymoron alert!), guests are bashing bushes… and that’s not just a euphemism.

“The direct impacts generated around the sex spots can be observed in several ways, such as the impacts on the vegetation, the abandonment of waste or the presence of urinal and defecation.”

Ew supreme.

This s*** has to stop, literally. Researchers indicate that excessive excrement “has caused an uncontrolled increase in vegetation in the inner zones, reducing the area occupied by the dunes and increasing the erosion, affecting biodiversity and generating a very negative impact on the animals and plants living in the zone. If this situation continues, the dune reserve might disappear in less than a generation.”

See, this is why we can’t have nice things. For the love of lust, please give the dunes a break and do your humping where it belongs: in a greasy sling. Mother Earth will thank you!