Grindr Just Unveiled Their Latest Classification: Sides

Hankering for some dude-on-dude action without all the fuss? The irrigation, lubrication, penetration and deforestation are mucho work for your nether region, regardless of which bunk you prefer.

But there are other ways to get your jollies sans jelly.

If you don’t readily identify as a top or bottom, perhaps you’re a side. Sides are gay men who enjoy every sweaty, swarthy, slurpy sexual activity except anal intrusion.

Dr. Joe Kort coined the phrase back in 2013 and he’s been dry-humping his way into our hearts ever since.

“I’m always trying to tell people that all sex acts are sex,” Kort tells The Guardian. “

And now, everyone is listening.

Grindr, the largest queer hookup app on gawd’s gay earth, just unveiled their latest classification: sides.

Aren’t engorged enough to top? Side. Don’t feel like mashing your manhole into oblivion? Side. Want to explore an aching array of carnal pleasures that don’t easily fall into one category or another? Side.

“The more we say the word and the more people talk about it, the more it will be out there,” explains Kort.

Top and bottom roles are bun – oops, we mean fun, but the good doctor sees them as heteronormative and limiting.

“It’s mimicking patriarchal crap.”

Um, perhaps lay off the c-word when describing rectal romance, eh doc?

“It’s how you define it.”

That’s better.

Butt seriously, we have been fixated on the funhole for far too long. In fact, when most breeders visualize homosexuality, they focus on the sex part. Savor that thought, straighties!

However, the Side Pride movement emphasizes that we are more than just interlocking erogenous zones. We are hugs, we are hope, and we are here for it all.

“The time for this is now,” concludes Dr. Kort.

Hear, hear with a side of queer! Thanks, doctor – see you on the Grindr grid.