cardi b

Citizen Kane… Lawrence of Arabia… Wet-Ass Pussy. These are the benchmarks of classic entertainment, served up hot and nasty. And who understands entertainment better than the gays? Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion have racked up – yes, it’s wordplay – over 150 million YouTube views in just three weeks. WAP is officially a pop-culture phenomenon, celebrating hydrated genitalia everywhere. https://www.youtube.com/watch?vhsm4poTWjMs The video is instantly iconic, featuring a Technicolor mansion that must be seen to be believed. It has tigers in the foyer, projectile breast fountains in the courtyard, and gold-plated doorknockers shaped like ample booties. The decadence culminates in a Willy Wonka factory of gyrations, populated with sex workers and plenty of moisture. WAP has inspired TikTok imitations and spoofs galore, but they all need to take a knee to the undisputed Kween: Mac Daddyy. https://www.instagram.com/p/CDSpmgtJKiL/ Also known as Angel Merino, this self-described “beauty influencer” is way more than an Instagram sensation; he is a force of fierce nature. He collabs with Nicole Kirkland to put the #FAB in #WAP. Their gay adaptation cranks the original Cardi/Megan vocal track, but creates an intoxicating visual tableau all its own. https://www.instagram.com/p/CEcfNIVpEyp/ FADE IN: A troupe of gender FLUID dancers strut into the manse clad in leather and lace. Whether they were born with vaginas or not, they’re poppin’ ‘em liberally. A shirtless janitor hoists a mop to illustrate just how wet the proceedings have become. In one climactic moment of the action, a bald drag queen jumps into the air, spins effortlessly, hovers impossibly, and finally lands in a death drop for the ages. It is fitting that this LGBTQ tribute preserves the hit song in its entirety, because the lyrics are custom made for a queer sex romp. “If he ate my ass, he’s a bottom feeder” sounds perfectly in tune with the writhing S&M shenanigans of the hardcore dance krew on screen. “I wanna gag, I wanna choke, I want you to touch that li’l dangly thing that swing in the back of my throat.” If you weren’t wet before watching this gorgeously gay iteration of WAP, you’re in for a deluge. Bust out the hand towels and feast your eye sockets on some raw realness… https://www.youtube.com/watch?vwYxWqRhpRz4

cardi b

Move Over, Cardi B – WAP Gets Gay

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