Glug Life: Gay Party Boat Capsizes Near Puerto Vallarta

In the wee-wee hours of the New Year, a queer cruise set sail for disaster. The clothing optional event was packed with partygoers who were oblivious to the raging pandemic that swirled around them, not to mention the choppy seas that were about to consume their booze cruise.

Talk about getting caught with your pants down!

A ship of fools called the PV Delice promised an open bar, but attendees were about to swallow more than their fair share of comeuppance. Approximately 60 passengers experienced the ultimate water sport as they plunged into the Bahía de Banderas, flailing for (more) attention as their party supplies descended to the ocean floor.

It’s not as if they weren’t warned.

Puerto Vallarta News cast some epic shade on the sunny proceedings by issuing the following missive on their Facebook page: “If you are interested in still visiting the COVID Superspreader New Years Eve Celebration where foreigners come to our community and throw big parties and leave COVID while causing our businesses to close and people lose their jobs, they have changed their mega party to Riviera Nayarit and even offer a nice closed bus to transport you there with a lot of people packed together.”

For sassy good measure, the post punctuated its sentiment with a shrug emoji before continuing, “COVID isn’t causing businesses to suffer, it’s the actions of people. We are tired of it. We have supported this event in past years and given it positive coverage, but this year it’s irresponsible and should be canceled.”

Despite this sobering message, throngs of thong-wearing dullards crowded onto the PV Delice, maskless and clueless. After visiting a private beach to bask in the glow of their own ignorance, the vessel headed back to the pier at Playa de los Muertos (Beach of the Dead).

How lethally fitting.

The ship took on water like a science-denier taking on virus, to mangle a metaphor. It went down like a twink at a hot dog buffet. But enough with our subtleties. Everyone aboard scrambled for a floatation device, grabbing any firm, squeezable object within reach.

Luckily, several brave seamen nearby leapt into action, skimming the survivors from the frothy harbor like cigarette butts from a discarded cocktail. The capital-D DRAMA was captured on video and shared via Twitter. Click the link below and immerse yourself in instant karma.