The Lens

Sitting on a Goldmine: Butt Plugs for Sale

It’s the most wonderful time of the rear! The holidays are creeping up on us, and they can be a real pain in the caboose, so we decided to price out some butt plugs for that special someone on your shopping list. It quickly came to our attention that sex toys are getting WAY fancy these days. Some of them cost more than $15,000! So, let’s throw it into reverse and settle back for some consumer ANALysis, shall we?

LELO is the brand that’s leading (from behind) in the race to sell the priciest patootie plug on the market. They call their top-shelf bottom-pleaser “Earl” because that’s the name we always associate with executive level sodomy, right?

Indeed, Earl puts the “ass” in “classy,” retailing for over $2,500. As the website promises, the 24-karat gold rump shaker is “perfectly designed for connoisseurs of male pleasure.” Well, smack my buns and call me Sally!

If you’re a cheap-ass like us, you may need to tighten your belt and find more affordable ways to fill your void. A quick search for inexpensive anal toys led us to Walmart – yes, that Walmart. They sell the Colt Studios brand XL Big Boy Sturdy Base Plug™ for only $40 – talk about a stocking stuffer!

BUT, let’s not forget the reason for the season: God, oh God! That’s right, you can get on your knees and show your reverence with a Baby Jesus Butt Plug. Oh, holey night indeed!

Mercifully, the manufacturer of those religious themed anal invaders seems to have closed up shop. Maybe they were struck by lightning. That leaves us back where we started: the upscale, down-and-dirty pleasures of LELO.

In addition to their solid-gold butt plugs, LELO sells ben-wa balls, clitoral stimulators, and personal massagers. The flagship erotic item in their collection is a vibrator that costs more than your car, but it’s guaranteed to get you from point A to point G-spot.

Check out the video below and prepare to bend over royally, because these prices are the ultimate screw job!


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Kevin Perry

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