Wear a Mask (and Nothing Else)

Every generation has its kink. Back in the 70s, key parties invited sexy swingers to swap partners. Unfortunately, they also swapped venereal diseases inadvertently (and liberally). The 90s attempted to remedy the situation by popularizing safe sex practices, ushering in a wonderland of condoms, poppers, lube, and a lollapalooza of slippery fun. The new millennium put perversion online, spoon-feeding users a smorgasbord of gratification at the click of their lusty fingertips.

So, what will the current generation pioneer in the realm of raunch? Necessity yields invention, and masks are the uniform of the post-Covid era… but that doesn’t mean they can’t be sexy.

A recent survey of straight women revealed that 88% of ladies find masked men more attractive than a-holes who don’t cover their mugs in public. Sigh, breeders are SO five minutes behind the gays. We could have told you masks were sexy, gurl!

A quick perusal of Instagram finds the #GayMask community thriving and thrusting. Men are flexing their anonymity, stripping away their pesky inhibitions behind the intriguing allure of facial accessories.

A mask can accentuate your cheekbones, highlight your dreamy eyes, and most importantly: tell the world that you’re compassionate AF.

Speaking of F, it also stands for Fetish, as in #GayMaskFetish – hirsute fellas position their masks amidst a sea of beards, brawn, and bloody fascinating scenarios.

But we must admit, some of these hunks seem to be missing the point… as well as their pants.

We’re willing to teach these misguided studs a lesson about proper mask-wearing etiquette, complete with a six-foot whip to administer socially distanced discipline… Is it hot in here, or is it just our masks?

Face coverings have turned the world into an amateur S&M club. You can engage in role-playing and unleash your most decadent fantasies behind the safety of your own personal facial curtain. It’s like a portable glory hole, except health conscious and… well, it’s nothing like a portable glory hole.

We got carried away, and it felt so freeing. The pandemic has soured us on interpersonal mingling, and for good reason. But now, we need to apply our dirty minds to finding new ways to be naughty. So, mask up and strip down. Enjoy the rush of anonymous adoration. We promise we won’t peek (much). Wink supreme!