Paul Hagen is so sorry to inform you that Looking has experienced a death in the family.
Previously on Looking… Dom bought awesome He-Dom and She-Doris costumes for himself and his best girl, but Doris had a couple’s costume to wear with her new man Malik and their growing intimacy made her freak out. Agustin was surprisingly delightful as a hairy fairy and made a goal of getting Bear Eddie to sleep over after the Halloween party. Most importantly, Patrick had an epic, alcohol-fueled meltdown at which he railed against Richie and his beau Queer Brady Olsen and afterwards mournfully begged Hot British Kevin to not return to Seattle. As for where Patrick and Agustin found up all those other party guests, considering they seem to spend most of their time enabling one another’s life-sabotage, the world may never know.
Diner of Infinite Regret: The gang is gathered at a diner where Patrick is saturated with regret over his epic meltdown. Tequila makes Patrick mean and scary; so he’d like to know why his friends let him drink it. (Way to ditch personal responsibility there, Patricia.) Patrick apologizes by breaking out some smuggled-in scones. Doris is texting with Malik; he’s given her 17 orgasms in the past 5 days. She sticks her phone under her shirt to take a picture of her boobs, which Dom declares blurry. As Patrick moans that he will have to move to escape his embarrassment, Doris’ phone receives a text from her aunt. Dom gravely passes the phone to her. “My dad’s dead,” she announces and then babbles incoherently about coffee while trying to process, as you do.
The Long Road to Mourning: Dom and Doris are in the car with Dom at the wheel. Doris thanks Dom for coming and recalls how her Dad loved Dom so much that he still wanted them to get married even after Dom had come out of the closet. Suddenly Patrick sticks his head into frame. Patrick isn’t sure what it says about him that he’s headed to the funeral of a man he never met when he should be at home putting together the pieces of his own shattered wreck of a life. (Perhaps that he is utterly unable to dead with the consequences of his own choices.) Doris is grateful he came anyway. Perhaps she’s hoping his hot mess will draw focus from her grief?
Roadside Stop of Depressing Questions:Patrick asks if Doris and her Dad were close growing up – and THEN informs her they don’t have to talk about it if they don’t want to. Why does the preface always come a line too late with him? (SEE: “Hot British Kevin, do you feel bad when you go home to your boyfriend? We don’t have to get into this now.) Doris says he was a good Dad. He used to drive her around at night until her raging alcoholic mother passed out. Patrick is ALWAYS excited to hear about a childhood worse than his. Well, Doris’ Mom used to come into her room in the middle of the night and drunkenly ask where she’d been, and then say, “Up yours with a meathook.” Way to keep it classy, Doris’ Mom! Patrick admits that is worse than his childhood. Doris shrugs and says it gave her a sense of humor and encouraged her to go into nursing. Wow, Doris gets an A+ in Rationalizing
The Land of Water, Wealth, Contentment and Health: They have arrived in Modesto, land of Dom and Doris’ misspent youth. Dom asks why they’re staying at a hotel instead of her Dad’s place. She wasn’t ready for “all that.” Doris also gets a gold star in Avoidance. She says she always wanted to stay in this particular hotel growing up because the pool seemed so “rock star.” She insists they go swimming. Patrick says he will – even though his legs are “painfully white” right now BECAUSE IT’S ALL ABOUT HIM. Dom asks if they should go check in but Doris is anxious to see the corpse. She asks Patrick to take the gummy bears away – at least until her nausea passes.
Funeral Home of Fear: It sounds like an elderly woman on too much Valium is playing Amazing Grace on the organ at the Funeral Parlor of Wood Paneling, Upholstered Pews & Sons. The undertaker informs Doris that her dad may not look exactly like she remembers, and she suddenly freaks out and decides she doesn’t want to see him anymore. Dom takes her aside and confides that he never saw his own dad’s body and always regretted it. Doris thinks it’s classy of him to make her feel guilty in a funeral home. There’s a long shot of Patrick sitting down in a pew and looking sad for no particular reason.
Backstage at the Funeral Parlor: Doris takes one look at her dad and declares him “really gone.” Lauren Weedman is acting her face off, and I’m wondering if this episode will net her an Emmy nomination. Dom says that the good thing about a heart attack is that you go quick. Thanks, Captain Silver Lining. Doris hates the suit on her dad. Dom recalls the time Dead Dad caught them making out and listening to WHAM! and gave them his signature double thumbs up. Dom and Doris admit that when they were making out they were both secretly thinking of George Michael. Doris hates how much make-up they have on Dead Dad. Dom thinks he looks like a drag queen, which makes Doris laugh until she spits. She apologizes to her Dad for spitting. Close the casket before you go-go, Dom and Doris.
Car of Spontaneous Massage:Doris shares that the preceding experience was surreal. Patrick offers her a neck rub. She’s all, “Why?” Apparently she looks like she needs one, and Patrick gives good neck rub. Briefly baffled, Doris finally relents and he goes to town. Doris is surprised she didn’t cry; Dom says she’s just “in the middle of it” right now. Dom wants in on the neck rub, and soon Patrick is giving them each half-a-neck-rub and looking rather glum. Dom proposes a drive; he wants to show them something. I wonder if it’s something related to his regret-laden past?
Something Related to Dom’s Regret-Laden Past: Dom can’t believe his Dad’s dream (the oft-referenced original restaurant of Peri Peri Chicken failure) is now this donut shop. Doris says it’s more depressing than seeing her dead dad. Patrick used to sit in a place just like this every afternoon with a boxed of glazed donuts reading a homosexualist publication tucked inside Sports Illustrated. Doris declares his childhood tragedy status to be catching up with hers. Dom orders three coffees and the clerk suggests he augment his order with a variety of pastries and sandwiches. Dom wants to know if the clerk knew the location used to be a Portuguese Diner. She did not but thinks that is “super exotic.” He says the food was really good but it didn’t work out because of this bad location. The clerk is not worried because they’ve won Best Apple Fritter in Modesto for ten years running. She delivers this information with cool matter-of-factness, rather than spicing it up with a nice “How’s THAT for a bad location?”
Outside the Donut Shop of Broken Dreams: Dom is devastated now that he knows it wasn’t just the location that made Dad’s Portuguese Diner a disaster. He feels he should have been able to keep it up and running. Doris points out that he can’t take all the blame as his father did fun things like bookkeep on napkins. She then suggests they try the apple fritters. Dom calls for a full half dozen, and before it’s all the way out of his mouth, Patrick is hurling himself back into the Donut Shop.
The Legendary Hotel Pool:It seems that they are finally taking a dip in the pool that Doris described as “so rock star” earlier, but honestly, you guys? It’s not that rock star. Nevertheless, they’re having a great time. Dom takes the kind of running leap into the pool that most lifeguards would probably warn against. Doris talks loudly about peeing in the pool. Patrick asks what they did growing up – other than drugs. Answers include the mall, movies, and sex. Patrick wants to hear more about the sex. Dom says it was really good. Doris says it was not – as she never had an orgasm but she loved him so much. He says he loved her, too – still does. Patrick says that he once manually stimulated a girl in what sounds like a pretty inept fashion but he thinks that she liked it. Doris assures him that the girl’s memory of that situation is very different.
Eating Chicken Like a Pimp Poolside: Dom, Doris and Patrick are wearing fluffy hotel robes and enjoying the fine products of KFC when Doris receives a text from Malik. He’s thinking of her. Dom calls that “so f**king sweet,” and says he really likes Malik. Doris agrees, noting that she can’t get enough of “that gorgeous black ass.” Dom asks if she wants to see anyone from her family before the funeral, and she says she wants to go out and have fun instead. Patrick asks if maybe they have a gay bar or at least a Pinkberry. Dom knows a place. (Of course he does.)
The Last Gay Bar in the World: Dom refers to a man dancing aggressively with a pool cue as Patrick’s dancing twin. They settle at the bar and Patrick wonders if, perhaps, he should move to Modesto and become a bartender at this fine establishment, the Brave Bull, and date a guy he sees at the end of the bar whom he names “Mr. Lonely” – imagining that he has snuck out of his parents’ house, is wearing his sister’s jeans and obsessively listens to Evanescence. Dom points out that Patrick is clearly talking about himself. Patrick complains that he was SO LONELY! Doris says that he’s bumming her out; so Patrick hoots at the bartender for more drinks. A bartender wearing something that looks like someone sewed spieces of a plaid shirt onto a black shirt is excited to inform them that there’s a special on strawberry daiquiris because they “finally got a blender,” and he does a finally-got-a-blender dance that’s actually kind of priceless. Doris asks for Bud Lights instead and tells the guys she is sure her Aunt Sarah has the funeral planning under control. “Walkin’ on Sunshine” comes on, and Doris announces that there will be dancing. Dom suggests Patrick ask Mr. Lonely to join them. Patrick considers it for a moment – until Mr. Lonely’s boyfriend shows up and greets him affectionately. The bartender says that local drag presence Kitty Leukemia will be doing a Lady Gaga set at 10pm. That’s why I told you to take note of the feline leukemia reference last week: apparently cat cancer is the show’s new running gag. Patrick wants to die but instead grabs the beers and heads over to dance like a Peanuts character with Dom and Doris
Graveyard of Emoting: Mary Kay Place is Aunt Sarah and she is eulogizing Doris’ dad with earnestness while wearing what would seem to be a fairly hefty wig. He was a great brother and an amazing father. He loved Doris. He took her to swim practice and screamed too loud at her meets, and Doris wasn’t even embarrassed about it – that’s how close they were. And then she reads “Clear Midnight” by Walt Whitman, which goes like this:
”Clear Midnight” by Walt Whitman:
This is thy hour O Soul, thy free flight into the wordless,
Away from books, away from art, the day erased, the lesson done,
Thee fully forth emerging, silent, gazing, pondering the themes thou lovest best,
Night, sleep, death and the stars.
Patrick’s Second Breakdown This Week: The poem produces some sort of deep catharsis in Patrick, who begins to sob like a wounded animal. He thoughtfully escorts himself a few feet away from the other mourners, who nevertheless can’t help but be impressed by the sheer force of his outpouring of emotion. Dom and Doris seem slightly perplexed.
Unhappy Hour: It’s time to for the post-burial mingling. Doris remarks that the crowd is quite a turnout and credits the free biscuits. Doris thanks Aunt Sarah for her moving speech, and she in turn gives Dom an affectionate hug. Aunt Sarah mentions that her last conversation with her brother was an argument about political minutia. She asks if Patrick is all right; everyone kept asking her about the “weird guy crying.” He says it’s his first funeral. Aunt Sarah asks if she can steal Dom because everyone wants to catch up with him. Patrick can’t believe he’s the weird guy. Doris encourages him to embrace it.
Bar of Better Days: Doris orders two scotches, neat as Patrick ignores a phone call from Hot British Kevin. Doris says her Dad used to love the restaurant where they’re having the Mourn & Mingle. After he retired, he used to come every day and get a scotch and a hamburger after playing golf terribly. Well that sounds like a fun way to run down the clock. The bartender brings the scotch, which they drink in one gulp. Doris asks for another round with a little soda this time. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call coping.
Corner of Coming Out: Dom is talking to a guy with a heavily douchey quality about him. He shows Dom pictures of his wife and kids on his phone. Dom is surprised Mr. Douchey stuck around Modesto. Douchey asks if Dom ever married Doris. Dom informs him that instead he turned out gay. “Good for you. I love that you’re gay,” says Douchey. Does Dom have a boyfriend? He did, sort of. “That’s great, man,” says Douchey. Dom informs Douchey that he’s opening a restaurant. “Like your Dad,” says Mr. Douchey. I don’t think he meant it as an insult but considering what a flaming disaster Dom’s dad’s restaurant turned out to be, it’s a little bit of a burn.
Back Deck Update:Apparently Douchey’s name is Brad Foster and apparently he manages the restaurant. Doris says it’s sad that Douchey never left; Dom says he seems happ and wonders what made them so yearn to escape Modesto. “It was a freak show and we hated it, “ Doris answers. She wants Dom to know that the fact that staying worked for Douchey does not mean it would’ve worked for Dom. Patrick suggests he’d be drunk every night at the Brave Bull looking forward to drag night with Kitty Leukemia. Dom asks if they’ll stop by his Dad’s grave with him before they go. Doris says yes and heads inside to talk to cousins. Dom and Patrick look at each other for a long while and hug.
Graveyard of Oops: Dom can’t find his dad’s grave. Doris tells him it’s okay – it’s been a long time. He wonders: What kind of a legacy is having your diner turned into a donut shop and your son forget the location of your grave? Dom regrets that he never even got to come out to his Dad. Doris suggests he tell it to some random gravestone and that she is sure he’d be okay with his gayness. Dom suggests they just go, but Patrick has a plan.
Car of Surprise: Patrick says that Dom has to “do it.” Dom leans out the passenger’s side window and hollers, “I’m gay!!!” at the top of his lungs at the entirety of the graveyard. “He’s gay!!!” Doris echoes. “Oh my God, that was incredible!” shouts Patrick. And a huge black SUV plows into them. Real talk.
Hospital Hallway of Recovery: Dom can’t believe they survived the funeral only to get into a car accident. Doris announces that she’s officially an orphan. Dom says he is, too, but Doris reminds him that his mom is alive. Dom says he’ll take care of Doris. Doris says that her Dad left her some money. It’s enough for the Chicken Window, and she wants him to have it. There’s no one she’d rather invest in. He agrees. They weep and embrace. Patrick wanders in with his arm in a sling, apologizing for the accident. Patrick says his arm hurts like hell, and he won’t be able to masturbate for weeks. Offscreen, we hear Malik call Doris’ name. She runs to him and collapses in tears of relief that make Dom suddenly seem very much beside the point. That said, it’s a good thing they had Malik to call because Agustin certainly wasn’t going to be much in the way of help.
On the Street Where Patrick Lives: Patrick thanks Malik for driving, and Malik suggests Patrick not participate in any unnecessary high-fiving. Patrick sweetly kisses Doris goodbye only to be shocked to see Hot British Kevin standing at his front steps. Turns out, HBK was calling to tell Patrick that he left John. It’s clear that HBK has been doing a LOT of crying. “I’m completely f**king in love with you, “ HBK says. He wants to know if Patrick wants to “give this a shot.” Patrick assuredly answers, “Yes,” and goes in for the big kiss. It is everything HBK/Patrick ‘shippers have been waiting for – even when HBK accidentally hurts his arm. And I have to give the show major credit that they didn’t make Doris work too hard to convince Dom to take the money or HBK work too hard to get Patrick to take him back – because nothing is more frustrating than watching someone look a gift horse in the mouth – or, in this case, a gift-Chicken Window or gift-Brit.
So, Lookers: Should Doris have invited Malik along to the funeral in the first place, and do you think their relationship will affect the dynamic between her and Dom? Is Patrick right to attempt proper couplehood with Hot British Kevin now or do you think in a few year’s time, Patrick will end up as left-behind as John? And what did you think of going a whole episode without checking in on Agustin and Bear Eddie? Sound off in the comments, and be careful when exiting graveyards ‘til next time.
Last modified: March 16, 2018