Yuri Tolochko is a bodybuilder with a capital #Body. Hailing from Kazakhstan and flexing our desires to dizzying heights, Tolochko has bent gender like he’s bench-pressing a (very lucky) dumbbell.
He has served us glam cyborg power bottom realness…
He has taken a mud bath, thus making our dirty minds positively filthy…
And he has bared his brawny bulges for a very willing LGBTQ+ audience…
So, which fortunate gentleman just became Mr. Tolochko’s mister? Actually, it wasn’t a gentleman at all; it wasn’t even human. Yuri married his fave sex doll, a plastic bitch named Margo. Suffice it to say, we’re totes jelz.
In a truly bizarre wedding video, Tolochko slips an elegant band of bejeweled platinum around Margo’s rubber finger. It may be the sexiest latex-related incident since the 1990s.
Yuri then plants a rugged, bearded kiss on Margo’s face, threatening to deflate her with the sheer force of his whiskers. For some reason, a crowd of well-wishers gathers to celebrate the synthetic nuptials, toasting to their continued happiness and extended warranty.
Mr. and Mrs. Tolochko share a first dance as husband and device. There’s not a dry eye (or crotch) in the house. On social media, Yuri describes his affinity for Margo, declaring, “Couples need to talk less and connect more. With time and experience, Margo and I realized that it takes more than words to have a conversation.”
It truly is a meeting of the minds, as Tolochko stresses the need for equality in any relationship. “Your partner sure deserves the best, but they have to do their part.”
The wedding video ends as guests hoist full glasses of wine towards Margo’s willing lips. Don’t they understand that she can only handle one small reservoir of liquid at a time? Nevertheless, Yuri’s Insta post merely promises, “It’s happened. To be continued.”
We can’t wait for the honeymoon video. Pop goes the bride!
Photo: Instagram @yurii_tolochko
Conjure up the coolest characters in the history of film and literature. They’re twisted, they’re…
Siblinghood is like the gift you never asked for. It’s awkward and cumbersome, but it…
Regrets are so last century. When you flex your fabulosity at full volume, you drown…
Are you ready to trade your everyday blues for some fabulous desert hues? Because we're…
If you don’t speak your mind, negative vibes simmer in your brain until it slowly…
Life is like a giant swimming pool; you can either sink, swim, or slay. Oh,…
Leave a Comment